So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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