I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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