I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
