Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
