She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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