I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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