He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
