If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
