I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
