No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
