I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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