Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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