Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
