I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
