Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
