Need sex. Gaining weight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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