We need to rekindle our bromance
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
