Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
