i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
