i may or may not be watching the land before time
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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