he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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