ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mom said you looked used
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
how drunk are you?
Several
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
