he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
