wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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