omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Buhtt sex?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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