the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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