she woke up with a sticky ear
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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