she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
