he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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