there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
