i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
