She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
