i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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