Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
