I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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