Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
