apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
