Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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