I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
