I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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