Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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