AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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