after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
