I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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