i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
