chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
