It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
