Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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