Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
