her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When did angry sex become our thing?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
