What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
