shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's shark week go big or go home
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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