When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
PANTIES FOUND
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