so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jerry, you need to find god
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
