Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
