im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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